I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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