How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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