I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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