I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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