i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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