Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk is not a location!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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