Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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