is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
