dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
