paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
