then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
