she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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