I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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