Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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