I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
