No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
