Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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