My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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