Swine flu. Run for my life!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize