dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
