So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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