i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
