I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
