Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize