The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize