I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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