If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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