Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't deserve a penis
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize