Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
