did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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