She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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