i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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