The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
