His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Your penis caused this!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
