All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
