She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
