Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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