I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
