Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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