I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
