Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
