I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
