I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
