i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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