the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
