dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
