I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
