Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
