Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
