Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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