at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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