I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
