I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
