Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
