dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
