i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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