In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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