I smell stomach acid.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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