i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
