if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize