Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we have officially lost it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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