You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
