he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
