that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
