Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
