you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
