can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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