my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
