If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
