My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
