You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
