I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
