you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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