It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
