I wanna bring you to show and tell
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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